Monday, August 8, 2011

Ena Vie on Tour....Updates from the road #6 (grist for the mill)

aloha to all who read this...

i never did get to part 2 of the last blog seems that life on the road is so all encompassing that i have been challenged to get to a computer and write. so here i am, getting a chance to write and catch up and reveal as much as possible what has been unfolding and i realize it has been a month since i have written.

so much is being stripped away, not in a violent manner, but in a falling away manner...where the trajectory of my dreams are being replaced with what is...with the reality of hard work, perseverance, reassessing my intention, the vision...the dream...

being on the road is teaching me so much about myself through in, i see myself played out like that in you...what you wear, how you dance, how you sing, how you laugh, how you express your emotions...including anger and joy, how you love, how you avoid, how you support, how you is all me as you, expressed as you in me...i know...this seems like a mind vortex or a play on words or some kind of new age jargon rearranged to sound like something important...honestly...this has been my experience the last 3 months on the road.

my beloved and i have hit the 90 day mark, and i have come to the place of what could only be described as the 'unknown'...

after living out of our car for the past 3 months, with our dog and music gear and a bit of clothing in tow, i am at a place of is it that we can share and be in service to the music which flows, and at the same time, feel supported, nurtured, nourished and reciprocated both energetically and financially??

we have played in yoga studios, homes, new thought communities, festivals, side cafes, lake side shores for dragonflies, in desert badlands and desert highlands, ocean cliffs and mountain peaks, a wedding, a fire ceremony, to crickets and to hundreds of souls, to no one and to everyone, to forest creatures and meadow birds, to city folk and country folk, during savasana and sun salutations...and all this in 3 months...quite a journey in a short amount of time.

we have had stellar musicians join us, along with the amateur, we have had professional sound men support us in sounding the best we have ever heard live, and we had a sound man who could barely turn the system on and after a multitude of sound checks, he still couldn't get it right, we had to soldier on with the show without being able to hear ourselves or each other...we have had people pay us more than we could imagine and we have been owed monies for which we delivered and the payee did not.

showing up, no matter what it looks like, and fulfilling my commitment to the music, to our mission (if you want to call it that) has been on the front burner of this journey...however, one of the biggest topics at the moment is...what is the point behind it all?

in the beginning, i believed it was to share a passion, a statement about life, a connection through sound with spirit, a conversation through song with community, a frequency between the rhythms of nature and humanity...

now...i am sitting in the 'i don't know'

i don't know what it means
i don't know what it looks like anymore (i never really knew what it looked like in the first place)
i don't know where this is going
i don't know if how we have been 'doing this' is how i want to continue

i have been challenged to face into all that i don't surrender to this 'knowing' of 'i don't know' without indulging in fear or other insecurities...even though they surface from time to time.

i have been humbled by seeing others success, and supported to not compare, i have felt defeated when the outcome was not what i wanted it to be, only to find later that the expression of music or presence was felt through reverberations that were sometimes expressed through a message or email...who knows about all those that never said anything?

i believe that this 'place' of recognition that nothing is as it seems and everything is in perfect form and no-form is a space of new beginning...that something is constantly being formed in the darkness of the womb of the unknown and creating new thought, new expression, new sound from a place of deeper truth...

today...i posted this on my facebook page

gratitude for letting go of what i thought it was going to look like, for what i wanted it to be, for all that i imagined how it would play out ~ it is playing out like this ~ and so i am encountering it like this...thank you life - thank you to the great spirit within me that continually guides me into the unknown and reveals more ways for me to surrender to the loving allowance for all that is ~*~

this is the place i know i can return to...resting in the arms of the unknown, knowing that this place is full of creative power and unlimited love...the place of connectedness, of meaning, of existence of all that is...

as my feet deepen into the earth, my mind rests in the expression of my heart...and i open to more and more of the power that is the love of life.

thank you for reading...thank you for being who you are, and for walking in this life in the way that you are...may you feel the light of your being, that you are affecting those around you in ways you may never know...and may you know that you are loved for exactly who you are...

with aloha ~*~

if you would like to know where we are playing next...i invite you to go to: