these are just some of the words that have been swirling around my hemisphere of life as of late.
last i wrote (which was just last week...) howard and i were fresh off the bhakti fest block...decompressing from a summer of touring...california, oregon, nevada and hawaii. we have been on the trip of a lifetime...and often it is beyond magical...and many days, it is a far cry from glamorous.
one day last week, howard's phone cracked and broke, we got a $64 parking ticket because we didn't read the 7th sign on the post that read..."no parking on FRI from 1-3" and it was 2:30 on Fri at verizon, where we were looking inside to fix howard's phone! then, we found out that our '97 volvo needs an $800 dollar overhaul, one of our workshops cancelled...and as we are living on a shoe string and a prayer...all of this in one day was a bit much to swallow...meanwhile we can barely breathe in the City of Angels.
we returned to our dear friend's home where we were staying for a few days in between the festival and our next gig, and i had a few tears in my eye...sharing with her our day...feeling overwhelmed and a bit frustrated that in the midst of us 'leaving it all behind for our passion' we were getting kicked in our behinds on the way out the door!
she looked me straight in the eye, with complete and utter compassion and love, and said gently,
'ena, no one said life was going to be easy. this is part of being human...and...you could be living a number of other scenarios, and yet these situations are merely this...situational circumstances. it doesn't define who you are, and it most definitely does not define or reflect your decision to leap for your passion in music and sound healing...it is life.........
yes...i remember...she speaks truth, i am having a human experience...and of course...i am never the victim, in fact...i am always the creator ~ co-creator.
more letting go, and now, another letting go of some deeper sense of entitlement...perhaps i thought that if i let go of everything (home, clothes, lifestyle, city, cars, etc.) that was in the way of me and my dream (or us and our dreams...) that somehow the flood gates would open wide, the path would be paved, people would catch the vision and mission of our music and all would be well, easy, no challenges, no tickets, no broken phones, no empty venues, there would be millions of cd's sold, music spreading immediately like wildfire...and so on, and so forth.
suddenly i realized how grateful i was to be standing there, (or how grateful i am to be standing here) in the face of my friend's loving compassion and acceptance for who i am and what i was living at the moment...she was reflecting to me my own loving compassion and acceptance of who i am...that i am enough...and that this is all there really is.
i was reminded of eckhart tolle's statement...
"If you are aligned with the moment, the kind of action that you take is qualitatively totally different from the kind of action that you take when you deny or dislike the present moment out of the feeling that you want to get somewhere better than this moment."
right now...i am taken care of....
right now...i am loved
right now...i have breath
right now...i have life
right now...i am empowered to live this moment
and then....the magic of life is revealed again. or rather, my eyes can see the magic more clearly because whatever fears or doubts or frustrations or challenges that were occluding my vision...fall away.
ironically...the Florida workshops began to fill up for the following weekend, and invitations for more work and shows seemed to be appearing in our in-boxes...it was as if we needed to stay in the middle of the city, in the middle of the hurricane, to tune into, and re-member the Presence that is everywhere, in all things and made of all things.
my external circumstances do not determine who or what i am.
most often, if not always, i find that those fears, doubts, etc...are linked to the past and the pain from the stories of what i have lived, or they are linked to the future...and what i think may or may not happen. all of which are taking my heart and mind away from the present, from WHAT IS...and the infinite possibilities of the Universe.
so here is to the MOMENT...the vast, eternal moment of NOW.
here is to taking risks, without attachment to the outcome.
here is to living and cultivating our dreams and visions...and taking deep breaths along the way.
and here is to friends and community who show their support and love by being themselves.
all i am seeking and needing, is here, in this moment, within the PRESENCE of my spirit being, of who I AM...right now.
i am not alone.
you are not alone.
we are guided and loved.
'til next time ~